Good grief. I have sat down once again to write and once again I'm overwhelmed. How do I put it down into words? How do I put down in words what the Lord has taught us? Its just not there...or maybe it is, I am just hesitant to open that door.
I think what is keeping me from flinging that door open, is that I want you to understand. I want you to "get it". I want you to break free along with us. But I can't force that. I can't worry about how you are going to respond. I can't worry about what you will think of me...of us. But I do.
There I said it, I do. I'm not proud of that. One of the things that the Lord has taught me and is teaching me is to live IN His approval and HIS approval alone. He has taught me this, primarily, through Him calling our family into acts of obedience that many have deemed "crazy". I have had to walk through the disapproval of many people, learning in the process to hold my head high, lean on the Lord, and be obedient anyway. So, you would think after all of that, that this whole writing it down thing would be a piece of cake...but it's not.
I'm so desperate for us, as His church, to be free; for us to know what true freedom in Christ feels like; for us to know the freedom that comes from abundantly living in the Spirit. I'm desperate for us to be free from the chains of religion, and tradition, and denomination. I'm desperate for us to know what love is, real Christ-like love and then to turn and be able to show that love to others. I'm desperate for a lost and dying world to see and be drawn to a loving, abundant living, Spirit powered, truly Christ-like, miracle working church.
I'm not saying I have all this figured out and am living it perfectly. I still have so much to learn!!! There is still so much that the Lord is showing me. There is still so much I don't fully understand, but so much I want to understand. There is still so much that I am learning to believe and trust the Lord with.There is still so much I want to share with you.
The Lord has given us a passion for the church, the family, and young people; the kind of passion that we just can't stay silent about. We have a story the Lord has called us to tell. We are in the very beginning stages of writing a book about our little family, how the Lord brought us together, and what He taught us in the process. But that is going to require me getting over the fear and hesitation of putting it into words, now isn't it? :) That's where you come in. This blog is going to help me in this sorting out of my thoughts. Forgive me if my posts seem random. I'll try to bring some cohesiveness to them, but no promises. For now, they are what they are, until the writing of our story becomes what it is going to be.