Friday, October 15, 2010

October 15th

Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Rememberance Day...
I have two babies in heaven waiting for me. We lost our third baby on September 5, 2004. We lost our fourth baby on June 3, 2005.

I never got to hold, or smell, or snuggle, or kiss my last two babies. I didn't get to know their sweet personalities. I didn't get to see which side of the family they looked like, or if they would have my green eyes or Lee's brown ones, like our other two boys. I didn't get to wake up in the night to feed them, and then to spend those sweet quiet midnight hours of special bonding time snuggling their sweet little selves. I never got hear them say Mama. I didn't get to see Hunter and Braden interact with them or love them like only big brothers could. I didn't get to see Lee rocking and swaying them to sleep, or talking to them in that sweet baby voice, or "get their nose", like only he can. I didn't get to do any of those things...and even now 5-6 years later, my heart hurts and my arms ache thinking about it.

But even now, with tears streaming down my face...I have hope! One day, I will get to hold them, and hug them, and kiss their sweet faces. One day, I will be able to hear them say Mama. One day, all of the hurt will be healed and it will all be worth it. One day, I will know and understand the Sovereignty of God and I will see how all things, even the most painful things, worked together for good! I will have all of eternity to see my babies and worship the Lord together with them.

Thank you Lord for hope!

So tonight, on this special day of rememberance, I'm lighting two candles for my babies who I love, but never knew...

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