The day that I dred every year.
The day that would have been our fourth child's birthday...this year, his 5th birthday.
The day that I never talk about to anyone...not even those closest to me.
The day that emotionally wears me out.
The day that reminds me every year of the things that I am missing out on.
The day that makes me feel lonely, like no one in the world understands my pain...even though I know that I'm one of many members of the moms-with-babies-they-love-but-have-never-met club. A club that no one...NO ONE...wants to be a part of.
The day that I'm always sure will become less painful as the years go by...but it never is.
The day that makes me want to pull the covers over my head and cry and cry and cry.
The day that, combined with the holidays, makes me miss my babies more than any other time of the year.
The day that I intentionally hang two tiny little stockings up right along side the other four, so that there is a physical rememberance of my tiny children.
The day that I think about how they get the spend Christmas WITH our Savior. They get to celebrate right along side Him. They get to worship Him face to face on His birthday!
The day that, year after year, God reaches down and proves His unmatched love and faithfulness to me.
The day that my heart is once again filled with unspeakable hope and in that hope comes joy and a peace that pass ALL understanding.
Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."