Tuesday, December 28, 2010
My Sons
"My son(s), if your heart is wise,then my heart will be glad;
my inmost being will rejoice
when your lips speak what is right"
Proverbs 23:15-16
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I Love Him...
...more today than I did the day I married him 11 years ago! He was and still is my best friend. I thank the Lord that He has allowed me to spend my life with this man! We have been blessed beyond measure.
God has given us a love worth fighting for!
Nehemiah 4:14 “...Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”
God has given us a love worth fighting for!
Nehemiah 4:14 “...Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.”
Friday, December 10, 2010
December 10th
The day that I dred every year.
The day that would have been our fourth child's birthday...this year, his 5th birthday.
The day that I never talk about to anyone...not even those closest to me.
The day that emotionally wears me out.
The day that reminds me every year of the things that I am missing out on.
The day that makes me feel lonely, like no one in the world understands my pain...even though I know that I'm one of many members of the moms-with-babies-they-love-but-have-never-met club. A club that no one...NO ONE...wants to be a part of.
The day that I'm always sure will become less painful as the years go by...but it never is.
The day that makes me want to pull the covers over my head and cry and cry and cry.
The day that, combined with the holidays, makes me miss my babies more than any other time of the year.
The day that I intentionally hang two tiny little stockings up right along side the other four, so that there is a physical rememberance of my tiny children.
The day that I think about how they get the spend Christmas WITH our Savior. They get to celebrate right along side Him. They get to worship Him face to face on His birthday!
The day that, year after year, God reaches down and proves His unmatched love and faithfulness to me.
The day that my heart is once again filled with unspeakable hope and in that hope comes joy and a peace that pass ALL understanding.
Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
The day that would have been our fourth child's birthday...this year, his 5th birthday.
The day that I never talk about to anyone...not even those closest to me.
The day that emotionally wears me out.
The day that reminds me every year of the things that I am missing out on.
The day that makes me feel lonely, like no one in the world understands my pain...even though I know that I'm one of many members of the moms-with-babies-they-love-but-have-never-met club. A club that no one...NO ONE...wants to be a part of.
The day that I'm always sure will become less painful as the years go by...but it never is.
The day that makes me want to pull the covers over my head and cry and cry and cry.
The day that, combined with the holidays, makes me miss my babies more than any other time of the year.
The day that I intentionally hang two tiny little stockings up right along side the other four, so that there is a physical rememberance of my tiny children.
The day that I think about how they get the spend Christmas WITH our Savior. They get to celebrate right along side Him. They get to worship Him face to face on His birthday!
The day that, year after year, God reaches down and proves His unmatched love and faithfulness to me.
The day that my heart is once again filled with unspeakable hope and in that hope comes joy and a peace that pass ALL understanding.
Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
Friday, October 15, 2010
October 15th
Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Rememberance Day...
I have two babies in heaven waiting for me. We lost our third baby on September 5, 2004. We lost our fourth baby on June 3, 2005.
I never got to hold, or smell, or snuggle, or kiss my last two babies. I didn't get to know their sweet personalities. I didn't get to see which side of the family they looked like, or if they would have my green eyes or Lee's brown ones, like our other two boys. I didn't get to wake up in the night to feed them, and then to spend those sweet quiet midnight hours of special bonding time snuggling their sweet little selves. I never got hear them say Mama. I didn't get to see Hunter and Braden interact with them or love them like only big brothers could. I didn't get to see Lee rocking and swaying them to sleep, or talking to them in that sweet baby voice, or "get their nose", like only he can. I didn't get to do any of those things...and even now 5-6 years later, my heart hurts and my arms ache thinking about it.
But even now, with tears streaming down my face...I have hope! One day, I will get to hold them, and hug them, and kiss their sweet faces. One day, I will be able to hear them say Mama. One day, all of the hurt will be healed and it will all be worth it. One day, I will know and understand the Sovereignty of God and I will see how all things, even the most painful things, worked together for good! I will have all of eternity to see my babies and worship the Lord together with them.
Thank you Lord for hope!
So tonight, on this special day of rememberance, I'm lighting two candles for my babies who I love, but never knew...
I have two babies in heaven waiting for me. We lost our third baby on September 5, 2004. We lost our fourth baby on June 3, 2005.
I never got to hold, or smell, or snuggle, or kiss my last two babies. I didn't get to know their sweet personalities. I didn't get to see which side of the family they looked like, or if they would have my green eyes or Lee's brown ones, like our other two boys. I didn't get to wake up in the night to feed them, and then to spend those sweet quiet midnight hours of special bonding time snuggling their sweet little selves. I never got hear them say Mama. I didn't get to see Hunter and Braden interact with them or love them like only big brothers could. I didn't get to see Lee rocking and swaying them to sleep, or talking to them in that sweet baby voice, or "get their nose", like only he can. I didn't get to do any of those things...and even now 5-6 years later, my heart hurts and my arms ache thinking about it.
But even now, with tears streaming down my face...I have hope! One day, I will get to hold them, and hug them, and kiss their sweet faces. One day, I will be able to hear them say Mama. One day, all of the hurt will be healed and it will all be worth it. One day, I will know and understand the Sovereignty of God and I will see how all things, even the most painful things, worked together for good! I will have all of eternity to see my babies and worship the Lord together with them.
Thank you Lord for hope!
So tonight, on this special day of rememberance, I'm lighting two candles for my babies who I love, but never knew...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I Heart....
...many many things lately! I could take this post and talk about of the deep, meaningful things that I love, such as my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my church, my ministry, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I'm am so in love with each and every one of those things lately!!! So thankful and full of joy at the blessing being given to me!
I could write an entire post about that...but I'm not going to! Atleast not right now! :)
Instead here are just a few of the "fun" things that I heart lately:
* Mulled Cider Candles from Walmart ~ I have them burning all over my house! They smell soooo good! One of my first "fall" purchases every year! Hands down, my favorite candles!
*My Better Homes and Gardens wax warmer ~
Almost didn't buy it....SO glad I did! I love it!!! I have "Spice Cake" warming in it right now! It smells so great and it's pretty too!
*CoffeeMate Peppermint Creamer ~
Mmmmmm...Tis the season...Well, almost anyway! :)
Oh my!!! Thank you, Lord for tastebuds! Pure joy in a to-go mug!
*Salted Carmel Mochas from Starbucks ~
I know, I know...I was very sceptical at first too...but NOT anymore! DE-lish!!! Very praiseworthy! :)
*My Cute Fall Mugs ~ Because drinking coffee out of a super cute mug just makes my day!
*My Fall decorations ~ Yes yes and yes!!! Love it all, want more, would like to keep it all up year-round!
*And finally......The Fall ~ All of it...every single bit of it! The weather, football, the trees, the crispness in the air, pumpkins, warm comfort food, sweatshirts and sweaters....ALL of it!
Now I think I'm going to light a mulled cider candle, pour me a cup of Peppermint Mocha-ed-up coffee in my cute fall mug, and read on the back porch! I heart lazy fall afternoons! :)
Isaiah 50:4b-5
"He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back."
Amen and let it be so, Lord!!!
Amen and let it be so, Lord!!!
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