October 15th

Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Rememberance Day...
I have two babies in heaven waiting for me. We lost our third baby on September 5, 2004. We lost our fourth baby on June 3, 2005.

I never got to hold, or smell, or snuggle, or kiss my last two babies. I didn't get to know their sweet personalities. I didn't get to see which side of the family they looked like, or if they would have my green eyes or Lee's brown ones, like our other two boys. I didn't get to wake up in the night to feed them, and then to spend those sweet quiet midnight hours of special bonding time snuggling their sweet little selves. I never got hear them say Mama. I didn't get to see Hunter and Braden interact with them or love them like only big brothers could. I didn't get to see Lee rocking and swaying them to sleep, or talking to them in that sweet baby voice, or "get their nose", like only he can. I didn't get to do any of those things...and even now 5-6 years later, my heart hurts and my arms ache thinking about it.

But even now, with tears streaming down my face...I have hope! One day, I will get to hold them, and hug them, and kiss their sweet faces. One day, I will be able to hear them say Mama. One day, all of the hurt will be healed and it will all be worth it. One day, I will know and understand the Sovereignty of God and I will see how all things, even the most painful things, worked together for good! I will have all of eternity to see my babies and worship the Lord together with them.

Thank you Lord for hope!

So tonight, on this special day of rememberance, I'm lighting two candles for my babies who I love, but never knew...

I Heart....

...many many things lately! I could take this post and talk about of the deep, meaningful things that I love, such as my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my church, my ministry, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! I'm am so in love with each and every one of those things lately!!! So thankful and full of joy at the blessing being given to me!
I could write an entire post about that...but I'm not going to! Atleast not right now! :)

Instead here are just a few of the "fun" things that I heart lately:

* Mulled Cider Candles from Walmart ~ I have them burning all over my house! They smell soooo good! One of my first "fall" purchases every year! Hands down, my favorite candles!

*My Better Homes and Gardens wax warmer ~

Almost didn't buy it....SO glad I did! I love it!!! I have "Spice Cake" warming in it right now! It smells so great and it's pretty too!

*CoffeeMate Peppermint Creamer ~Mmmmmm...Tis the season...Well, almost anyway! :)

*Pumpkin Spice Lattes ~

Oh my!!! Thank you, Lord for tastebuds! Pure joy in a to-go mug!

*Salted Carmel Mochas from Starbucks ~

I know, I know...I was very sceptical at first too...but NOT anymore! DE-lish!!! Very praiseworthy! :)

*My Cute Fall Mugs ~ Because drinking coffee out of a super cute mug just makes my day!

*My Fall decorations ~ Yes yes and yes!!! Love it all, want more, would like to keep it all up year-round!

*And finally......The Fall ~ All of it...every single bit of it! The weather, football, the trees, the crispness in the air, pumpkins, warm comfort food, sweatshirts and sweaters....ALL of it!

Now I think I'm going to light a mulled cider candle, pour me a cup of Peppermint Mocha-ed-up coffee in my cute fall mug, and read on the back porch! I heart lazy fall afternoons! :)

Isaiah 50:4b-5

"He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign LORD has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back."

Amen and let it be so, Lord!!!

Shakin in My Boots...

Tonight...I'm doing somthing that scares me! BAD!

At 7:00pm, Aimee and I are singing a "concert" at a local church! We will be singing a few of the songs that the Lord has given us, and we will also be speaking briefly about our stories. Neither one of us has ever EVER done anything like this before.

It truly makes me shake in my boots(gray suede, to be exact!)!!!

After a mini meltdown in the bathroom just minutes ago, the Lord reminded me of these:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

"I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand—I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, 'You are my people.'" Isaiah 51:16

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while,
'He who is coming will come and will not delay.
But my righteous one will live by faith.
And if he shrinks back,
I will not be pleased with him.'
But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." Hebrews 10:35-39

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You!" Psalm 56:3

And finally......

"Remember that I commanded you to be strong and brave. Don't be afraid, because the Lord your God will be with you everywhere you go." Joshua 1:9

And so....I'm stepping out of my home and into that church tonight trusting that my God will share His glory with no one! I'm stepping out in faith, knowing that we are being obedient! I might not feel strong or brave right now...but I am, because HE is my strength and my confidence!


Lord, how can I say Thank you! How can I find the words to tell you how much I need! How much I long for You! I love You! Please receive ALL of the honor, glory, and praise in my life!!! You are most deserving and most holy! Be glorified tonight, be glorified forever!